The Best Solution - Part 2 - Chronicals the Use of Love and Logic with Twin 3 yr olds

It's been a few months since I've posted, sorry for the delay.  I've continued working through the Love and Logic book, diligently applying the techniques and tools they teach, with some success.

We still have our melt-downs and a few temper tantrums, but overall, we are beginning to enjoy the time we have with each other.    My little men are beginning to communicate really well.  I believe I am evolving as a mother.  We are learning how to co-create our life together.   

This whole "choice" and "co-creation" model of interacting with my kids is interesting indeed.    We still have our disagreements and challenges, but when I'm the most frustrated and uncertain of how to manage, I think to myself, I am teaching my children how to "think" and "thinking adults" have a better chance at navigating life than those who are adult robots.

We've moved firmly into the "mine" and "no" stage of life with Mason and Grayson.  All the parents reading this are smiling and thanking God they survived this experience.  My husband is having a real tough time with the kids telling him "no".  I don't like it, but do not have as much emotion around it as I believe a man does.  

Of course, I consulted my resident twins books, they all consistently state this is an doubly frustrating time.  Twins are not only learning how to have their own unique identity, but also the mental understanding of how to own and how to share and how to compromise.  As a parent, we take so many things for granted, such as simple sharing, the art of compromise, and communication.   None of this whole "mine" business made any sense to me until a buddy of mine educated me in such a profound way.  One cannot share, until someone understands how to be an owner.  It is impossible to grant permission to something that you are not the owner of.  So, first I am working with my children on having their own space to own.  That in and of it's self is tricky.  We are using the following techniques to some degree of success:

1)  Writing their name on specific toys, not all, as we keep some joint toys to teach sharing.

2)  Creating separate rooms.  Whether they sleep separately or not, I've heard this works great.  We haven't transitioned to this yet, but will be there by the end of the year.  They have already begun to sleep fine in separate rooms, so we're on our way!

3)  Allowing them to have separate activities and outings.  For example, Mason spent the weekend with his Grandparents last weekend and we had a Special Grayson weekend at the house.  This allows them time to miss each other and also have differant things to share with each other when they come back together.

Some of this is working great, and then other times, we simply have a case of will against will.  Those are the times it's very difficult to remember my children have choice and it's my job to stay calm and provide consequence and love.   

In my next blog, we will talk about the perils of pottytraining.  What a trip this whole pottytraining situation is!!

Until next time, Kathy